So a thing happened to me two weeks ago. Something that I never thought would happen. I was let go from my job of 13 years. I will leave out the details but to say that it was not what I ever expected when I walked into that office on that Friday morning two weeks ago is probably the biggest understatement ever. I will never forget that feeling of seeing your life change in front of you and there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it. The first few days were a mixture of tears and emotions. I am a very emotional person but this took “the feels” to a whole other level. I will forever be thankful for my little family as they were the ones that got me through those first few days and each day afterwards. I am forever grateful for the friends that called, text, just reached out to see how I was doing without ever asking what happened. The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and feelings. I also learned the real meaning of power. Power basically comes down to the ability to direct or influence a course of events. My boss had the power to change my life and my family’s life with one quick sentence. A lack of communication has the power to change a person’s point of view. And just maybe, I had the power to do better at my job and maybe the outcome would have been different. I say maybe I had the power because I know I am not perfect at my job and there is always room for improvement, but I will always question if I truly did my best or could I have given more. More of anything that would have changed the outcome of my situation.
The truth is that sometimes all that you give just isn’t enough. Sometimes awful things have to happen to make you realize that you had nothing left to give and that this change may have just been the necessary break needed to refill your soul and just possibly your sanity. Sometimes awful things have to happen to make you realize that maybe it wasn’t so awful at all. Does it suck being let go? Absolutely. Will I ever feel like I didn’t fail at my job? Probably not but I’m working through that. Will I make it through this storm and come out on the other side a different person? Hell yes. My lesson learned, don’t let anyone ever have so much power over you that they can alter your life in less than 5 minutes.
The past two weeks have not been completely horrible though. I have had the opportunity to be home with my child longer than any other period in her life. I have learned that my anxiety may have more to do with external factors rather than internal factors. I have learned that I am much less stressed than I have been in a very long time (ironic considering that I have no income, still have bills, and savings only go so far). I have learned that I love being at home and taking care of my little family more than I thought I ever would. And maybe, that yes I will be ok even after this life altering event and will come out of it even stronger.
Now I get to figure out what the next chapter in my life will look like. I am so very thankful that I have a little bit of breathing room to try and figure that out. I don’t get to be a stay at home human/fur mama forever, which I think would make me perfectly happy, but now I know that feeling stressed and anxious will not change anything. I have the power to hand over all of my fear and uncertainty to God and be faithful that he will put me right where I need to be. I have to do my part, I have to work hard at finding a new job, but hopefully my hard work will pay off and my future job won’t feel like work at all.
Have a great Sunday all!!!
A Total Hot Mess 